Argentine tango is a dialogue of subtle signals. Because of its intimacy, we enter the dance floor with shared trust and vulnerability, which is why it’s especially important to protect this experience with clear, compassionate feedback that boosts learning, protects a safe space, and preserves the joy of dancing. Clumsy or ego-driven feedback can crush confidence, whether it comes from a stranger, a friend, or a teacher. That’s why knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it is essential.
In this article, I’m introducing some key points about giving and dealing with feedback that are applicable in classes, practicas, and social dancing—not just to promote physical and emotional safety in tango, but also to boost individuals’ confidence, commitment to the tango journey, and promote a kinder community. These suggestions are backed by applied sport psychology and modern pedagogy, and I’ve implemented them in my mental coaching programs for professional dancers, seeing results like improved motivation, physical performance, and self-confidence. Let’s get to it!
Blacklisted Comments in Tango
As a rule of thumb, when communicating with your partner, leave your ego and level differences aside, and put all your attention and curiosity into the shared experience. When partners come from different dance backgrounds and cultures—as in our Argentine tango classes for expats at Hello Tango—it isn’t always easy to communicate or read one another’s bodies without misunderstandings. Yet if you keep in mind that we’re all there to learn tango by choice—even if our goals and expectations for the experience vary—it becomes easier to stay patient and friendly and to let go of what doesn’t serve your energy.
This takes us to the second important point: know and accept that people are seeking different things in their tango journey. Some come to make friends, some are ambitious about improving their dancing skills, some come to have a good time or perhaps find romance, and some are dedicated to making it a profession. Sometimes dancers who are very “serious” about their tango might take it as disrespect when the other person prioritizes joy and a relaxed environment over technical development. There’s no right or wrong—or better or worse—approach to tango, just different paths and mindsets that might conflict on the same dance floor. In a group environment—whether at a local milonga or in a tango class in Budapest—accept these differences and treat your fellow dancers with equal kindness and respect. But if you are seeking something more, it might be better to find a private teacher or practice partner who is on the same page as you.
Finally, in class or practice settings, you’ll hear certain sentences far too often—especially in beginner tango classes in Budapest—that, in my view, should be “blacklisted” because they are rarely constructive and can overwhelm some students. I believe most people mean well: they want their partners to improve and to have a better shared experience. But it all comes down to how feedback is delivered—and at what cost. Some students tolerate a direct, emotionally blunt approach; the same words might haunt another student for days. At Hello Tango Budapest, learning tango matters—but community and kindness carry equal weight. Please take a moment not only to clarify what you are seeking in tango, but also to reflect on how you give feedback to fellow dancers:
Feedback on the Social Dance Floor
The best social dancers make the experience enjoyable regardless of a partner’s level. Instead of being critical or dismissive, find quick on-the-fly solutions—to compensate for your partner’s “mistakes” (or, more accurately, interpretations that didn’t match your initial expectation). You’re in it together; make the most of each tanda! If it truly isn’t enjoyable, you don’t need to dance together again, but finish what you started with respect. And most importantly: do not give feedback at a milonga.
Unsolicited advice—giving or receiving information that wasn’t requested—is usually perceived as rude, creating a power imbalance and sounding like criticism. In classes and practicas, people come to seek advice, feedback, and improvement; not sharing observations with your partner there would be bad. Even if you’re less experienced, speak up about how you feel and what help you need. But at milongas, feedback lacks context, crosses boundaries, and creates stress and anxiety.
If you end up on the receiving end of unwelcome feedback at a social event, protect your energy. Firstly, protect your own energy. Understand that all feedback, even if unwelcome and out of context, comes from good intentions. Whether that’s true or not (some people simply want to assert status), this mindset saves your energy. Thank them, but don’t be afraid to set your boundaries by saying something like: “Thank you for looking out for me, but right now this isn’t helpful.”
Is it Ever Okay to Leave a Tanda?
As mentioned previously, social tango is built on subtle, often unspoken rules and guidelines. This makes it easier for all parties, regardless of background or common language, to reach a decision from a more equal and shared interest. However, if someone does not respect the etiquette subtleties, it’s also okay for you to respond to a verbal invitation or undesired feedback with a “no, thank you.” Some argue that it’s even okay to immediately leave a person who gives you feedback at the milonga or does not respect your signals to, for instance, open the embrace. However, that can be left to the individual’s own decision—whether it’s better to try to communicate your boundaries verbally first.
In fact, most people do not want to—or do not feel comfortable—expressing their desires or confronting the other person, which is when you might want to say something like “I’m feeling dizzy” or “My foot is hurting” in order to get out of the uncomfortable situation. And that’s perfectly fine. It’s not any individual’s responsibility to point out problems and spend more energy on negative experiences or people if they don’t have the resources or interest to do that on their night out dancing.
In short, if someone is inappropriate, rude, or not respecting your boundaries, it’s okay to stop the tanda. If their posture or embrace hurts you and they won’t respect your request to open the embrace, it’s also okay to leave. (Note: a strong core allows you to dance safely with more partners, even those who have poor posture, but it requires extra conditioning and time. Don’t break your back.)
On the other hand, it is not okay to leave a tanda simply because you’re bored with a beginner. You don’t have to dance with them again, but you accepted a brief shared commitment—try to make the best of it. We were all beginners once, and dancing with more advanced partners can be defining—either inspiring deeper commitment on this journey or, if handled poorly, discouraging someone to the point of leaving an elitist-feeling community.
For Teacher & Educators
Trained in Russian classical ballet methodology, I’ve seen firsthand how a teacher’s words can crush confidence and motivation. In fact, being a teacher is not just about pointing out mistakes and prescribing fixes. There has to be a trusting bond, respect, and the ability to inspire and motivate for the student–teacher relationship to thrive. Here are a few rules of thumb to deepen that bond and create a safer space—which, in the long run, supports student retention and growth.
When giving feedback to students:
- Highlight process over skill — Focus on what you can control builds confidence and encourages work and action; praising talent is outside one’s control and can a student play safe and feel pressured to maintain that status.
- Never compare students — Everyone has different backgrounds, goals, and timelines. We naturally compare one person’s strength to another’s weakness, which is unfair, hides unique strengths, and most importantly, pulls attention outward from your own development and goals to what other people might be thinking of you. This makes a student avoid taking risks and play smaller.
- Sandwich method (praise → improve → praise) — This keeps the nervous system relaxed enough to try the change and prevents overwhelm and frustration. Over time, we rarely remember the exact words or steps, but we do remember how the moment felt. Create a positive emotional association with the task and the learning experience to reduce overwhelm without triggering defensiveness, and give the body a clear sensation to return to next time.
- Don’t leave before they get something right — Stopping at the mistake and walking away can feel dismissive and trigger frustration. Stay for even one focused minute and help the student find—and name—at least one small improvement. That brief attention shows you care, invests in their growth, and builds trust.
It’s helpful to ask yourself: What do I want to achieve with this feedback? Harsh, dismissive criticism can sometimes produce results with highly ambitious, professionally oriented students who are self-motivated. However, studies show that in a safe space, where there’s room for questions and open dialogue, improvement is much greater.
Sometimes the point of giving feedback is purely to correct a technical mistake, but I argue that it should also always be about deepening the student–teacher relationship, providing an experience of success, and hence motivating the dancer on their development journey even more. And here, being that anchor, source of inspiration, and safe person as a teacher plays a crucial role.
To Sum Up
Respect and kindness are key: we’re equals on the dance floor, even if we’re at different points in our tango journeys with different goals. Let’s respect one another, stay curious about our partner’s perspective, and be patient and friendly. At Hello Tango Budapest, creating a safe space includes emotional safety and respect—there’s no room for power plays, rudeness, or elitism. Yet, mistakes happen; sometimes we speak before we think. That’s okay. Just stay self-reflective: What is the goal of my feedback? Am I genuinely trying to help, improve our shared experience, and understand my partner better—or am I, even unconsciously, pointing out mistakes to feel superior? Put your ego aside and be truly there for your partners.
